An update...since I've been M.I.A.

I've been bad. Not really really bad, but not really good, either. All you other dieters...er...all you others going through a lifestyle change know what I mean. We fall off the wagon. No, we don't go get smashed at a bar, but we eat. And, I've been eating.

The good news? When I gained, I only went up 0.8 pounds. So, even when I was off plan, I was making better choices. But, for a couple of weeks there, I just did not care about it at all. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. ::shrug::

But, now...I've got competition. My sister has joined Jenny Craig and we've got the same amount to lose before goal. I don't like losing to my sister, so I've been using this sibling rivalry as motivation-and it's working! With the exception of last night's homemade fajitas, I've ate 100% JC food. And, thanks to the JC fajita dinner, I knew what portion sizes to eat last night (the fajita craving hit when I was at the store Saturday...didn't have a JC fajita kit like I usually do!)

So far, the scale shows a decent loss for this week. Let's hope that stays the same tomorrow! It's so funny what I catch myself thinking the night and morning before weigh-in...."don't drink that! don't eat that!" Like it's gonna matter!

Oh well.

But, on a serious note, I do know that I have to be hyper-viligant about self-monitoring in the next several weeks, because....we are buying a house. And, not just any house, a house in the western suburbs of Chicago, 2 hours from my home. It's completely scary to move to an area where I don't have anybody but my boyfriend as support...and it's only scary because I've afraid I'll turn into a needy girlfriend...and I don't wanna do that! ::stomping foot::

So, with the stress of packing, moving, traveling, getting to know my soon-to-be new town...I have to be more aware than ever of true hunger vs. emotional hunger. It's gonna be hard. I'm going to consider the next couple of months successful if I a) stay out of the hospital thanks to panic attacks, b) have a full head of hair when I get moved, and c) at least maintain my current weight. That sounds slightly doable...though, I'm not so sure about the panic attacks! lol

Wish me luck! :)

Jenny Craig Price List *updated*

For those who may find this blog and wonder about the cost...the planned menu averages $120/week, but you can see that there are less expensive items in each category (not to mention easy subs-like Total Cereal for the JC brand, etc.)

BREAKFAST:
Apple Cinnamon Waffle & Veggie Sausage 4.69
Banana Nut Mini-Loaf 2.49
Blueberry Mini-Loaf 2.49
Blueberry Pancakes and Veggie Sausage 4.69
Breakfast Scramble 4.99
Breakfast Stuffed Sandwich 4.39
Cheddar Cheese Omelet 5.99
Cinnamon French Toast 4.99
Complete Start Cereal 2.29
Cranberry Almond Cereal 2.29
Frosted Oats Cereal 2.29
Honey Oat Bar 1.99
Multi-Grain Hoops Cereal 2.19
Oatmeal Breakfast Square 1.99
Sunshine Sandwich 4.49
Triple Grain Crisps Cereal 2.29
Lite Table Syrup .50

LUNCH:
Asian Style Orange Chicken 5.99
BBQ Beef Panini 5.99
Beef Barley Stew 4.99
Beef Chow Mein 5.59
Broccoli and Cheese Potato 4.49
Cheesy Enchilada 5.59
Cheesy Potatoes and Chicken 6.59
Chicken Marsala 6.59
Chicken Salad Kit 5.39
Chicken Sandwich 5.39
Chicken Stuffed Sandwich 5.39
Clam Chowder 4.99
Creamy Chicken and Corn Chowder 4.99
Meatball Stuffed Sandwich 5.39
Personal Pizza 5.59
Pesto Pizza 5.59
Philly Steak Cheese Panini 5.99
Rotini with Meatballs 5.59
Southwestern Chicken with Rice 5.49
Swedish Meatballs 5.59
Tuna Salad Kit 5.39
Turkey Burger 5.39
Turkey Club Panini 5.99
Turkey Cranberry Salad Kit 5.39
Zesty Tortellini Soup 4.99

DINNER:
Beef Chili with Beans 4.99
Cashew Chicken 6.59
Cheese Ravioli 5.59
Chicken Carbonara 6.49
Chicken Fajitas 6.59
Chicken Fettucine 6.59
Chicken Florentine Lasagna 5.99
Chicken Pasta Parmesan 5.59
Chicken Pesto Pasta 6.99
Classico Chicken Parmesan 6.59
Cookout Chicken and Beans 5.59
Fish and Chips 6.59
Lentils with Beef 5.59
Macaroni and Cheese 5.59
Mashed Potatoes with Beef 5.59
Meat Loaf with BBQ Sauce 6.59
Pasta Fagioli 5.59
Penne Pasta 5.59
Rising Crust Pizza 5.49
Salisbury Steak 6.59
Sesame Chicken 5.99
Spaghetti with Meatballs 6.59
Sweet and Sour Chicken 5.59
Teriyaki Glazed Salmon 6.99
Three Cheese Ziti Marinara 5.59
Traditional Lasagna 6.59
Turkey Chili 5.59
Turkey with Gravy 6.59

SNACKS AND DESSERTS:
Bruschetta Veggie Chips 1.99
Cheese Curls 1.99
Chocolate Mini Cakes 2.29
Chocolatey Caramel Peanut Bar 1.99
Chocolate Chip Snack Bar 1.99
Chocolate Walnut Brownie 2.29
Cinnamon Twists 1.99
Cookies and Cream Cheesecake 2.69
Ginger Bell Cookies (8 servings) 9.99
Honey Mustard Pretzels 1.99
Lemon Mini Cakes 2.29
Pumpkin Spice Cake 2.69
S'mores Bar 1.99
Soft Chocolate Chip Cookie 1.99
Strawberry Cakes 2.49
Toffee Cookies 1.99
Triple Chocolate Cheesecake 2.69
White Cheddar Popcorn 1.99
Yogurt Dream Bar 1.99

SOUPITIZER SOUPS:
Tomato Florentine 2.99
Veg Minestrone 2.99

SALAD DRESSINGS:
Balsamic .40
Ranch .40

VITAMINS/SUPPLEMENTS:
MultiPlus (7) 3.49
Oatmeal Raisin Anytime Bar (7) 9.99
Peanut Butter Chocolate Anytime Bar (7) 9.99
ProTect Plus (28) 12.99
Vanilla Chocolate Anytime Bar (7) 9.99

Random ramblings...

So, I finally got in with my therapist...who's moving to Colorado. UGH! I go back next week to meet with the counselor with whom she thinks I will mesh well. So not looking forward to (in theory) starting over, but...maybe it will be a good thing.

Anyway...on the non-weight loss side of life...Haroon and I are getting ready to look at houses! Like, for real...not just online. So exciting! I'm just so blessed. I mean, I never, EVER thought I would feel like this. I never thought that I would find a man that truly loved me, much less said so! And, to hear and see his excitement when he talks about living with me and spending the rest of our lives together...never dreamed it would happen to me.

I'm not one of those women who's had my wedding planned since age 5. In fact, I only really started to think about it a few months ago. I see a wedding planner in my future...lol

But, seriously...I just feel so blessed that things have worked out like they have. I met the man of my dreams, who loves me for me, with or without the extra padding.

And, I'm finally doing something solely for myself-losing this extra weight! I still can't believe it's really happening. It's just unreal. I'm 20 pounds from my weight in 2000. And, 104 from my goal (which just sounds like an unreal amount, but...whatever). And, one of these days, my driver's license weight will actually be too high! lol That will be the day!

So, It's been awhile, huh?

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know...I've been AWOL. Let me explain...and, if not for anyone else, for myself. It's time to get these thoughts "out there" and admit to some lack of individual accountability. My only hope is that someone else may be able to take something from all this, too.

So, my last post was the "after thirty pounds" pictures. Gotta tell ya...I think taking those pictures was a mistake. Not only did I see the weight loss, which, initially was AWESOME! But, I also started putting "two and two together."

Shortly after those pictures were taken, I started to sneak some snacks. Not even "sneak," but...I just kept thinking "oh one of these won't hurt..." But, then that "one" turned into "one a day" then more. Ugh.

But, it wasn't just that. It didn't take long for me to realize that other people were seeing a difference in me, too. And, I'm not sure if it was the weight loss or the confidence that did it. But, one day at work, a co-worker mentioned that a man was watching me as I worked, and she teased that he must "like" me. It was a man that I have to work with often. Then, later that day, he called me into a meeting, and then into a private conversation, and that type of activity continued. I'm not interested in this man in the least, but...when he made it a point to touch my arm during the talks, my guard went up...and I didn't even know it.

I started to shut down. I didn't trust my own decisions anymore. I was eating off-plan (and hating it while I was doing it, but something deep down was allowing me to justify it somehow), drinking more soda (diet, but still) than water, and starting to hide behind bigger clothes. It wasn't until I saw myself in the mirror one day with these baggy, BAGGY (think M.C. Hammer) pants on that I realized how wrong things had become. My weight loss stalled during this time somewhat-nearly one pound one week, then maintaining for two more weeks. Go figure, right? When you're not on plan, you don't lose!

I made an appointment to see my therapist, Jen. But, that appointment was going to take a few weeks to get to...and then, she had to cancel because of a stupid snow storm! Ugh!

But, the day before my appointment was supposed to happen, I opened up to my JCC, Barb. She's been there, she told me. She's the one that identified that I wasn't even trusting my own decisions at this time. Metabolic Max had just come out at JC and she went over it with me, pointing out the reasons she thought it may be a good idea for me (berating myself for going off-plan, not working out enough, etc), but acknowledged that it wasn't the right time for me to make the decision (LOVE HER!).

Somehow, during that talk with Barb, everything snapped back into place. I went back on plan nearly 100% that week (some rice cakes and regular Sprite when I was sent home sick) and am happy to report a 5 pound weight loss today! Amazing!

Let's hope that this week's therapy appointment can keep things going and help me get ready for the added attention this weight loss is going to bring. I've never been the thinnest girl in my group of friends, I've never been the girl guys wanted. And, I don't want to be that girl now...I have a wonderful man who LOVES ME FOR ME! (thank God I found him when I was fat!) But, I do want to be able to handle that attention when it comes. Only time will tell...

Thirty Down!

Just a small update....

Had to share this, short and sweet...

I got on the scale today and I'm at THE number I never thought I would see. That's right, the big 300...actually, I'm 0.2 pounds UNDER it, thank you..

So, I got the courage to try on the smaller jeans I bought for $2.50 at the second-hand store uptown. They're on! Just wish the "muffin top" wasn't present, but it won't be there long!

Wow. :)

I have lost 20 pounds! I can't believe it. It's been such an amazing experience. I'm over feeling deprived (though, I have my moments when the work break room is full of cupcakes!) because I'm getting my chocolate cheesecakes and tons of great food (OMG...the broccoli cheese potato is my favorite after a long day at work).

What I still find really hard to wrap my head around is that my clothes aren't, like, falling off. I always thought that 20 pounds would be a huge difference. But, this time, it's not that noticeable. Maybe it's because the weight is coming off the "right" way and is melting away more proportionately...I don't know. Either way, I'm kind of glad, because...I don't have the money to buy new clothes for each size I go through. Speaking of...I found a pair of Lane Bryant jeans in a smaller size for $2.50 at a local second-hand store. Hope someone keeps donating...because, I'm going to need more! And, I really wish they would donate some scrubs, but...I digress.

I look at my motivation board (a bulletin board I've covered in paperclips, pictures and simulated photos of what I will look like after I reach my goal) and just can't believe it's actually happening.

I guess it helps to have the right motivation, you know? I mean, it took a tough discussion with my boyfriend about his family and a big fall and serious injury to wake me up. But, it's worked. I'm determined to make some serious changes in my life...and my nutrition is just the beginning. Once I'm back to 100%, my body will be the next step. But, I have to say....this journey really began long before the discussion, the fall and Jenny Craig.

It all started when I realized that I had some serious issues I needed to figure out and get help working through. In July of this year, I began seeing a psychologist, Jen. She's wonderful. But, she made me realize that I was normal...hurting and feeding that hurt the wrong way, handling stress the wrong way, etc. When I finally talked to her about starting JC, she told me..."you already started...now, it's just time to work on the food piece of the equation." SHE WAS SO RIGHT!

Losing weight is like overcoming any addiction. Food was my drug...my "go to" when I got stressed, sad, angry...and because of some deep hurts, I felt like that ALOT. And, with Jen's help, I learned when to identify my emotional eating and its triggers. Then, when I was ready to actively lose the extra weight, half the battle was already underway :)

I'm so thankful that I called for help...from both Jen's in my life. My shrink and Jenny Craig. (gets confusing for my boyfriend at times..."which Jen are you talking about?")