Sunday, February 12, 2012

Why, yes, I have been MIA

I have had a lot happening since last I posted. The good news, I've still lost some weight since my last post, and, despite several stressors have not gained back anything that I've lost so far. The bad news...I've become complacent!

Last week's weigh-in was 256.2, which is a loss of 73.8 pounds. Here's a couple of comparison pics from a few months ago, for those who are interested:

As you can see, there is a huge difference. :) However, I still struggle with my mental image of my body. In my head, I'm still at 330. Lately, it seems to be worse, and I can only assume that it's because I've fallen off the bandwagon lately.

I can't even pinpoint why I've been struggling so hard. I'm sure that part of it is living with Haroon full time and wanting to share meals with him and not "lose out" on experiences. But, why do we always equate good times with food? That's a societal problem, I know...not something unique to us! And, I know part of it has been my depression going untreated for awhile. Some of you may know that, before I started Jenny Craig, I started seeing a therapist for the issues leading to my emotional eating. Well, she moved, and then I moved...and work sucked...and, well, you all know (or should by now!) that isolation is the last thing someone fighting depression needs. But, my work hours have improved, I'm spending less time alone and feeling better---so why can't I get back on track?

First of all, I love cooking dinner for Haroon. But, it's silly to cook for him and then not eat it, you know?

My JCC is not as cool as I thought she was going to be. She talks....alot....and never really about weight loss or how I'm doing. I haven't even been measured since I started at this centre because she insists that my waist in about two inches below my bra band, still over my ribs, and those aren't going to change. Most of the time, she's running late, and then spends the time trying to excuse tardiness by telling me how the previous client was running late/really struggling/etc. I don't care!

Haroon has asked why I haven't started somewhere else tell you the truth...I don't know. Writing this now, I'm wondering if I'm just fearful of hitting that magical "half-way" point. But, will I ever get to the JC half-way with a JCC that doesn't help? Will the third try in JCC be "the charm?" I don't know. And, how the hell am I going to get motivated to get going again? To exercise?

I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, and hope that my writing this help someone else to realize he or she is not alone, as well.

So, for those still following....what do you do when you reach a state of complacency?

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